Just in case you don't hear enough of my opinions...

oh i lied
...about being unreahable. But it is 0:00 right now and louisa is doing her french homework and asking me how you say things in french when clearly i have no idea so here i am.
but i'm not going to say anything about france because i am going to bed now for a big day tomorrow!
but you should know in two days we managed to see all the great sites in paris except the mona lisa...but we did go to the louvre...actually for free. and we saw real picassos! and matisses! ok, there is too much to tell here!

jet-set
Hello again.
I'm a junior! And I am so glad this semester is over. It's such a relief. I am so sick of school at this moment. I am not thinking ahead at all. I'm just thinking about one thing: This Thursday, getting on a plane and going to PARIS! I am taking nothing but what I absolutely need. I won't have my computer and my cell won't work. So don't bother calling. Don't think I care about grades, or my stupid honors college nomination, or work, or any of the stupid little petty things you might (foolishly) imagine that I care about. Two weeks. Two weeks of escape. I am not going to be responsible or thoughtful or work hard or make anyone proud! I am just going to go to France, and speak in different languages and go to the opera and maybe make out with a European boy but never see him again. That would be a terrific vacation.
And I may not come back.
Just kidding. Lately I have had that feeling of wanting to run away, but I think I just need some space from some certain people and things. Then when I come back I can see my life clearly and everything. Just in time.
Oh...but, I wanted to know. Does anyone ever seriously consider taking time off from school? Sometimes I do. But I don't think I would come back. I don't dislike it...I like it a lot. I just feel trapped. Just sometimes.
I'll be back June 3rd, a bona fide international traveler. Talk to you then...

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Ingrid Michaelson

old frenemies
This must be a frequent-posting record.
I don't know why I'm here. I just know I'm supposed to be doing homework and instead I ended up here so I thought, why not post?
Maybe I was inspired by Eden and Genai, who always have such thoughtful things to say via the internet.

I've been thinking about childhood and adulthood. Let me know what you think you are - a child or an adult? Or, perhaps, an "emerging adult." I think there are some distinct things I am holding off for the extremely odd reason that I don't want to give up my childhood. This is odd because I have never considered myself that attached to childhood. In fact, I think I always gave people the impression that I was in a hurry to grow up. I don't know what I don't want to give up. It's very strange. Where is Freud when you need him?

Also, this is vaguely related. The other day my brother recieved this letter from the church saying, "What do you love about the church?" and it made these suggestions, which were, even charitably, kind of absurd. So we made fun of them, and it toed the line between just funny and actually not very charitable. It was a funny moment, for these reasons. I would have done this years ago, but still in my rebellion-against-the-church I was mesmerized by the whole thing - the people who were included and acceptable, the wonderful home they could have here if they could accept the Whole Church Thing, and most of it was just hard-nosed stubborness. When I actually got down to thinking about it, senior year, I was like, "Okay, cool. We can be friends. You kind of make sense and, besides, I see the world out there and I think the tiny exchange of a piece of myself is worth it, to belong here." But now I have discovered the world is...well, very terrible. But I am very self-sufficient. And the home I want is not the church. And I actually really liked that piece of myself.
That was personal, but people do that a lot on lj. Anyhow, now I'm a little bit floundering because I think...I get to make up my own rules now? Is that how this works? I...do the thinking, about the right and wrong, etc.? This has a potential to be a disaster. But, probably an interesting one.
I appreciate comments, as always.

born a misfit
I'm only writing this because Genai said she wouldn't reply until I did.
Yes, I'm staying at penn state. I don't think I can do a better job explaining it via internet than i already did. Oh, let's be honest. I am still trying to figure out the world and myself and it is a mystery the places we choose to do this. Right now this is the place I fit most comfortably. I like how...I like how it's not all campus-y, because I was (and this is a wonderful revelation) born a misfit and I like just going and doing my thing and then leaving.
Am I missing out on the college experience? Sometimes I wonder. But I also briefly wondered once if I was missing out because I didn't join AKM, and I didn't know if maybe I would be scarred for life due to the lack of crazy chants and whatever else they did, and the sisterhood thing. But I really think, in my 20-year-old wisdom, that I would be a different person if I had. And I like myself. I actually, really, do. Isn't that nice?
Ugh. That last paragraph brought back both past-college and high school memories. And while I liked it at the time, I'm glad I'm here now (far, far away...mentally, if not geographically). Yeah, thinking about it, I really like my life. And I like the decisions I have made in my (very brief, so far) adult life. Go, me.
So should I tell you something about it? I have this english professor who is like a 60-year-old flapper and she's a hemingway expert, she's really quirky, and I really enjoy her class. This sounds odd, but on Thursday I confessed to her that I thought poetry...um, I think maybe said something about how it didn't require any real skill or hard work?...and then by the end of Thursday's class she had me completely understanding and in love with this T.S Eliot poem. So I'm going to hang it in my cubicle at work to bring some culture to the firm, which is in dire need.
Ok, I'm leaving now because I just remembered that I am sick. But until then...I am curious to see who actually reads this, so if you do, you might respond and say so. Because usually I just write this like I'm writing a letter to Genai, and I just realized that probably other people read it...
- mallory

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Maria Taylor "Clean Getaway"

hi again
Oh, this is weird. I am actually updating this thing. Oh well, here goes nothing.
Um, I decided to stay at Penn State Abington. As in, permanently, or at least for my bachelor's. It's hard to explain...but let's just say I have to take this time in my life to try to find out who I am, outside of school and stuff. I've thought this through a lot, and making this decision has made me feel very good. I just do not want to do the whole go away to a university thing again. I have this nice job with really awesome people who aren't like me at all, and I get to spend time in this amazing city, and my classmates are all different and I like it. Oh, and also I changed my major to psychology.
So, who else LOVES gray's anatomy? Or, better yet, Rome??
This is also really exciting: Louisa & I are going to Europe. Probably in May. We're doing this crazy, whirlwind tour. I am so excited to be a backpacker.
I think that's it for now.
- mallory

Current Music: Kate Havnevik

I haven't posted here in a while. If you want to know how I am really feeling, you should take a look at Genai's...who eerily took all the words from my mouth. But I feel all talked out, so here's a short summary of my life lately:
I got a promotion at work, which was a mixed blessing. The job carries more responsibility, which means both more fun and way more stress. Sometimes I get so sick of my job, and sometimes I really like it. Mostly I'm just sick of it. But I'm glad this isn't really my life. It's hard to believe anyone actually voluntarily would commit their life to doing something so mundane and passionless as intellectual property law. But I guess it takes all kinds. School is so-so. I really miss my sister. I am concerned and frustrated about one of my friends, who is not herself at all lately.
Hope everyone else is doing well.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - Plans

I've decided to stop stressing out about the things in my life that I can no longer control, and focus on the things that I still have some sway over. This seems so common sense, I don't know why it took me 19 years to realize. Just this morning I was running and I thought, "I don't really want to care about that anymore, because there is nothing I can do about it." And then, suddenly, as if just by thinking it, I didn't care about it anymore! Of course I still do a little bit, but the more I repeat that, the less it actually weighs on my happiness and there is more room in my head to think about things that I do control, which I'm finding is the stuff that really makes me happy anyway. Which is great because I just had one of the worst weeks ever at work, and I desperately needed to reorganize my list of things to stress about.
- mallory

It feels like I've been away somewhere, but I haven't, I've just been at work a lot this week.
I have been getting rides to work in the morning with my Uncle Jack, who also works downtown, and who has a wealth of knowledge and experience about life. We have been discussing careers. I think that I have inherited the self-employment gene that seems to run in my family. Working
for this big firm, I feel kind of owned. The firm is great, but I don't like the feeling that
someone has put a dollar amount on my time and my productivity, and then decided to take over
my life with stupid things like paperwork. My sister has been here (at work) this week, so things have been extra crazy. I would explain the situation with my sister for those of you that do not know, but I'm too lazy right now. Basically, she kind of runs the firm, but right now she lives in Utah, so she comes sometimes to make sure everything is going well. Anyhow, working with her is hectic but also fun, and I have been taking on a lot of new responsibilities this week (I filled in for the secretary of our head partner) which was a little scary but good.
I don't really have anything else to say, except that weekends should be much longer.
- mallory

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Wildflowers - Tom Petty

i have the flu
I have the flu. it's not very exciting, but i remembered that i hadn't updated in forever and this is the only thing i can think of. i hate being sick. but it's kind of nice because it's like psuedotumor cerebri except no headaches! except it's contagious so no one will go near me.
I will try to update more i just don't have very much to say.
- mallory

being home is good. temple is fine. I knew coming back wouldn't solve all my problems. In fact, it has really thrust me into my main problem, which is that I have absolutely no idea where i am going and what i am doing anymore. but that's good, because i need to face that to solve it. just for the moment i feel very confused.
- mallory

goodbye pitt
Well, I have an announcement to make.
I'm leaving Pitt. I'm transfering to Temple, and I'll be living at my parents' this semester. If you just read my livejournal and don't talk to me much, you might not understand. To make a long, tedious story short, I just have never been happy here in Pittsburgh and I had the opportunity to leave so I'm doing that. I'm still glad I came, because I learned a lot, but it's just more important for me right now to be somewhere where I am happy and able to make the decisions i have to for my future. Anyhow, I can kind of guess what people are going to think of this, but I'm not having a nervous breakdown or anything silly like that, and I'm very confident that my decision was a mature, well thought-out one. I don't want people to read too much into this, as people often seem to do in Bryn Athyn :) This isn't about anything really, it's just that I am not happy in Pittsburgh and I'm not going to mope around for another 3 months of my life when there is something I can do to change. I'm moving this weekend, and I'll be back in Bryn Athyn late on Sunday. So that's it. :)
- mallory

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: walk away renee

home
I'm home!
And it is spectacular. I just got crushed in a game of brynopoly by Genai (she is evil, and didn't pay me for being on Glencairn. yeah, i'm still mad genai). I forgot how much fun I have with BA friends. And it has been fun to see my family, and everyone here.
I'm probably not going back to Pitt next year, because I don't really feel like it. So anyone have any crazy suggestions for what to do with my life next year? i'm honestly considering all ideas, no matter how insane. brainstorm for me, please. the boredom is killing me.
i hope everyone is having a good break!
- mallory

Current Mood: cheerful

I'm coming home in 11 days, but I can't seem to really concentrate on being here and getting all the studying that I have for finals accomplished. I really miss home, but more than that I kind of just really, badly need a break. I need to get some distance from Pitt, to maybe get some clarity on a few important issues.
I don't know if that makes any sense.
- mallory

Current Mood: distracted
Current Music: Mariah Carey - all i want for christmas is you

thanksgiving
Thanksgiving was so awesome! It was great to see people. I can't wait to see other people over Christmas, and spend even more time with my family. Now that i don't live with them, i don't get stressed about family stuff anymore, which is nice because i can just enjoy the time i get to spend with them, even if it isn't much. I have a ton of thinking to do about what I am doing next year, and some decisions to make, but that's okay. i miss my siblings a lot, and my parents too, and all you guys at home. if I'm not online much for the next couple of weeks, it's because i am in major study mode for finals. However, I will be back in BA around the 16th hopefully? and I hope to see all of you then!!
- mallory

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: floormate's music from the next room

one more day!
Hey...I'm about to go to class, but I am going to quickly update so that everyone knows i am still alive. Basically...I have been really busy, kind of with schoolwork, kind of with other things that I shouldn't let distract me from my schoolwork, probably. I just had a bunch of exams, which went really well. Oh, last thursday it snowed! That was exciting. Anyhow, I'm really exhausted and I am glad thanksgiving is finally here because I really need a break from everything here. I am coming home on Tuesday night, and I will be leaving Sunday. I cannot wait to see people, and my family, and eat real food again. I hope everyone else is doing well, and if I don't see you, have a great break!!
- mallory

Current Mood: excited

religious crisis? potentially
Being friends with people of different religions who are trying to convert me is more difficult than i thought it would be. i thought that i knew what i believed, etc., but certain people keep making me confused and i feel like I used to feel about religion, angry and excluded and defensive. I worked really hard to make religion something I could understand and accept, and now it is turning into something I don't like again. why do people have to make religion such a big deal? seriously, why can't we all get along??
grr.
- mallory

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: holly cole

Hey everyone!
I just wanted to write and say that I had such a fun weekend! for no real reason. And today I finally went to the pittsburgh church, with my friend rebecca, and guess who I saw?? Natalie David! who totally didn't tell me she was going to be in town, but that's okay, i guess I forgive her because she was busy squaredancing. Yeah, exciting! and it was so nice to be out of Oakland and see trees and New church people. Now I have a lot of homework to do. I hope everyone else is doing well!
oh...anyone have any advice on... 1) what I should major in 2) if I should transfer or 3) gender issues in Pride and Prejudice that I can write a paper about? cause that would be awesome.

- Mallory

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Must Get Out - Maroon 5

it's been a while, so here are some highlights since I last updated. Last week I spent studying for my math midterm, which was okay but kind of scary in the end. I also got my first midterm back, and I did very well, but I could've done better but it's okay because my mistakes were stupid and it definitely won't happen again. Then Friday was my birthday, so the girls all went out to this awesome asian place (it really has the best food in the world...I can't even explain). Then we joined the boys to watch movies in the dorm. And I got lots of packages from my family. Then the next day michelle, cat, guy, adam and I went to this multicultural open market thing that they have every saturday morning downtown. It was awesome and reminded me of christmas. and Guy gave me roses for my birthday, which was sweet. Then, once again, we spent practically all of sunday camped out in the library trying to make up for a week's worth of procrastination. (Why does it always get like that? why am i such a terrible, procrastinating person?) And then...Tuesday night I went with Ellen to Jehovah's witness church! I call it church but it really isn't like church at all. It's more like a book group that happens to be studying the Bible. It was fascinating. You know, the more I learn about my friends' different religions, the more I think that we all basically have the same idea of God, we just like worshipping in different ways. maybe there is no one "true" religion...maybe we are all just led to the religion that will help us best understand how to have faith and live a morally decent life.
I am so excited to come home for Thanksgiving! Also, I am bringing one of my friends, Cat. Hopefully I will try to write more regularly.
- mallory

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: cassandra xavier

i'm kind of forgetting about this thing, i know, sorry.
college life is hectic but awesome. i have not really had a decent night's sleep in a while, so saturday we were all going to go salsa dancing and i got a migraine again, so that kind of forced me to sleep. yeah, so i have been doing a lot, and everything has been really fun, but i can't imagine that anybody really wants to here about it. It's crazy, there is always something to do here, no matter what time or day it is, so every day ends up being really fun. saturday there was a free lifehouse concert here - i don't know anything about lifehouse, but it was free so i went with everyone, and it wasn't bad. Oh, and Friday the boys and Cat taught me how to play Cranium which, if you have never played it, is an AWESOME game. I have never laughed so hard in my life. My team won, of course. oh, and adam and i sang christmas carols and disney songs on the way home from shadyside, which was kind of funny because i guess we learned different words, and then there is the fact that i am a terrible singer. But today I had to spend all day in the library doing math homework because I had put it off, and I have my midterm on friday (which is also my birthday!) and that was not fun at all.
so this is all very random, sorry. anyhow, hope everyone else is doing well.
- mallory

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: jack johnson - do you remember when?

Apparently I am 60% boy and 40% girl. I have no idea what not wanting to live with boring or messy people has to do with gender roles. So I'm not about to have a gender identity crisis anytime soon.
I gave up on my old screen name. I am now (maybe temporarily) Touchthesky40. So I am currently trying to rebuild my buddy list. But I have a terrible memory, and even if I talked to you regularly online I may leave you out. So to be safe, you can IM me or post it here.
I have a midterm tomorrow. wish me luck. Not that it is going to be hard, I was apprehensive until I started studying and realized that I knew all the material already. But I am still a little nervous about the format, etc. I am always uneasy taking a first test from a new teacher, not knowing their style and what they are looking for. Also, it's my first college test. Um, I have to admit though that I am actually kind of glad to have a test, because so far classes have not been very interactive and I'd like to see if all this stuff is actually sticking in my head.
hope everyone else is doing well.
- mallory

Current Mood: working
Current Music: coldplay

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